Communicate Strength: Speaking Trust and Confidence

Incredible things happen when people communicate well. No other skill will position you to positively change and influence the lives of others like effective communication skills. But most of us are more than uneasy when called upon to speak. Fear of rejection, of making mistakes, and of being misunderstood permeate our souls when we are asked to speak in public. That same trepidation provides stumbling blocks to other forms of communication. We would rather not communicate than face criticism.

The Church Has a Communication Problem

Communication issues rear its ugly head around the church on a regular basis.Teddy Ray, is the lead pastor of the Offerings Community of First United Methodist Church in Lexington, Kentucky. First United Methodist has three campuses or communities in the city. Ray writes on his blog, “My church has a communication problem. If you’re a church leader and hear that complaint/lament regularly, I can empathize with you. If you’re a member of my church, I apologize to you. We have a communication problem. Communication will always be difficult and leaders need more grace than we often give them. But also, why do we keep trying to lead the church like a business enterprise?”

Categories that Communicate Trouble

Thom Rainer, founder and CEO of Church Answers, an online community and resource for church leaders, says that communication problems usually fall into one of four categories. One area that is a communication problem is technical – what tools should we use to communicate, and who is an efficient user of that tool? Another problem centers on content – what should we create and share? A third source of problems in communication Rainer calls ROI. We are not sure about our “return on investment” or “what is a win.” Because we are unsure, we hesitate to communicate. Finally we have a resource problem – how do we best maximize our time? We simply have too many other things going on to communicate well.

Bud Brown writes on the website Biblical Leadership that most church leaders understand that communication is a problem. If we surveyed a hundred churches, “a hundred of them claim that ‘lack of communication’ is one of their top five weaknesses. Eighty percent of them say communication is one of their top three problems.” Brown goes on to say, “One of the major reasons why churches are lousy at communication is because they don’t understand the crucial difference between promotion and communication.” Promotion is getting exposure for an event that you hope people will participate in, while communication is trying to convey an idea, emotion or feeling.

Who Are We Talking To?

Ray speculates that part of the problem is that church leaders are not sure how to define their constituents. We communicate differently in different circles, to different constituents. Is the church a family? You communicate one way in a family, but most families don’t have hundreds of family members. Is the church an organization? Most organizations have three types of constituents: customers, employees, and partners or shareholders. Into what category do we place church members? A member really isn’t a customer, though we do consume. An employee doesn’t describe a member for the most part, though many serve, lead and volunteer. The description of an owner misses the mark in several ways as well.

Maybe the Problem Isn’t Communication

“Poor communication” may be a symptom of a different problem. At least, the theory of Art Markman makes the assertion. Markham PhD, is the Annabel Irion Worsham Centennial Professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin and founding director of the program in the Human Dimensions of Organizations. He has written over 150 scholarly papers on topics including reasoning, decision making, and motivation. One of his newer books Bring Your Brain to Work: Using Cognitive Science to Get a Job, Do it Well, and Advance Your Career addresses communication and structure in the workplace.

In an article on the website of the Harvard Business Review, Markman suggests that people have very generic feelings about an organization. They may be able to generally feel good or have an uneasy feeling. When you ask for a specific focus, a reason for the feeling, they often struggle. Because they cannot put their finger on a specific, they conclude they have a lack of information. They deduce the lack of information is a communication problem.

Markham goes on to say, “Before you leap into action — and in the process create a lot more work for yourself — let me suggest that you think of the complaints about communication problems as the canary in the coal mine. It’s a signal that something is wrong, but it itself is probably not the problem.”

He concludes, “Ultimately, it is important to remember that criticisms of broad topics like communication are a symptom, not a diagnosis. From there, it is crucial to examine complaints more closely to determine what the solutions might be.”

Communicate More Effectively and Efficiently

In public speaking class, we talk about verbal and non-verbal communication. In a speech, the verbal tools develop the words chosen, as well as the use of voice, pitch, pace and volume. The non-verbal skills include gestures, eye-contact and body language. When we fail to communicate, we are actually communicating non-verbally. Assumptions are made that there are reasons to not communicate. Are shady decisions being made? Can the leadership be trusted? Is the leadership competent?

Several leaders speak to the severe damage that can be done when people react and respond to improper assumptions. Teddy Ray writes, “Some of the most damaging things I’ve seen have come when people who didn’t have the correct information began making assumptions, getting emotional about those assumptions, and sharing both the assumptions and the emotions with others.”

Character Dictates Communication

The kind of person that we are dictates the kind of communication that we will share. Here are some ideas that speak first to character and then to how we communicate.

Character

The leader should be above reproach. The phrase is used by Paul in his comments to Timothy and Titus about the role the elders are to play in the church. Whatever it means to be “above reproach,” it is for more than just elders. Paul tells the Colossians that God himself will one day “present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him (Colossians 1:22 HCSB). In many ways “blameless” or “above reproach” summarizes all of the characteristics that follow in the Pastoral Epistles. While the individual is not expected to be perfect, he should be bathed in what makes one “above reproach” – the grace of God.

The leader should be transparent. A leader in the church should be open and available. While not every decision of a church leader should be open for public display, every decision should be open to discuss why and how the process was handled. The leader has nothing to hide, even in discussing tough decisions. “Yes I understand your concern over the recent decision made to fire Brother Smith. While you can appreciate that I cannot share everything from the meeting, I can assure you that all of the evidence was weighed. I carefully evaluated what was in front of us, prayed about the decisions for days, and finally made the decision that seemed in the best interest for all involved, including our church.”

Community

The leader should be authentic. For lack of a better word, the Christian leader should be real. Fake smiles and fake praises are as troublesome as the evils of gossip and slander. Don’t pretend that all is well in the home if divorce looms around the corner or if economic ruin is a breath away. We all face difficulties. Church members feel relief and encouragement when a leader faces trials and overcomes them.

The leader should be accountable. In almost every case where a preacher stumbles, there were no checks and balances to provide a hedge of protection around the leader. Perhaps the leader assumes too much power. Maybe the structure of the organization promotes a conflict of interest. The possibility remains that the leader has isolated himself to protect himself or his family. Whatever the reason, the leader should be an active participant in the community and fellowship of leaders within the congregation. A nomad on an island becomes a fool on a hill.

Christ

The leader should be Christ-like. Finally the leader should strive to be like Christ – in character and in content. While “What Would Jesus Do?” becomes a hokie mantra, our lifestyle should produce that kind of result. If you cannot imagine Jesus doing this or saying this, you shouldn’t.