Before Marriage
I have several outlets that give me an opportunity to write: a column for a newspaper, articles for a couple of magazines, content for a few websites, and ramblings on Facebook (which one day will be housed on a personal website). Many times when I write, I do so because of events or circumstances that stir strong feelings inside me. Because God uses people and events in our lives, I am often convinced that He is nudging me to put into words my observations and convictions. One particular topic area stands out. Marriage.
Since the primaries began, I have felt nudged to write something before the coming election. Expect soon to see some words about what a person of faith is to do when neither candidate seems to be a good choice. This past week, two events and a host of circumstances prompted the words that are falling upon this page today.
Marriage and the Church
On Thursday I read an article by the Barna Group revealing the results of a recent survey they had taken. According to this column published at the end of June, the majority of Americans believe living together before marriage is a good idea. 65% of Americans subscribe to that belief and over 60% either are living together or have done so in the past.
If you want to read the entire article, you can follow the link to their website.
Those numbers really didn’t surprise me, but the role that faith plays in the decision shocked me. 88% of people who are considered “unchurched” – not regularly attending church in the last year – believe that cohabitation is a good idea. Incredulously, 41% of practicing Christians also think so. Almost half of Christians? Have we stopped preaching about sex before marriage in the church? Or have we stopped caring about what is preached?
On Sunday I heard a sermon affirming that what the Bible teaches about premarital sex and marriage would never be “trending” today in social media. My good friend Jon Talbott, one of the associate ministers at Eastside Christian Church in Jeffersonville, spoke on the subject. Jon doesn’t preach every Sunday – maybe a handful of times during the entire year. Jon is a home- spun country preacher who speaks sincerely from his heart. When Jon is preaching at his best, you feel as if you are Barney sitting on the front porch swing in Mayberry, and Andy Griffith is tenderly putting his arm on your shoulder to share wisdom. Minus the guitar.
Sunday, Jon was at his best.
Jon was more than uncomfortable with the subject, visibly blushing on a couple of occasions. But his thoughts from the fifth and seventh chapters of Proverbs were pointed and powerful. First, pay attention to God’s wisdom. God’s wisdom for most subjects won’t be trending, but His words will steer us from danger and into healthy relationships. Second, make an advanced commitment to do the right thing. In the heat of the battle – and passion – our decisions are going to be impulsive. Decide far in advance the path you want to take.
Don’t Put Yourself in Compromising Positions
Jon’s third point: don’t put yourself in compromising positions. Job says, “I made a covenant with my eyes to not look lustfully on a young woman” (Job 31:1 NIV). Finally, work diligently to build faith and commitment into your relationship and marriage. All relationships take work. Marriages need tending and tender care. But if you do, Solomon says, “your fountain will be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18 NIV).
His gentle wisdom for those who are living together today? Stop. Stop making excuses. Stop rationalizing. Stop living together. But what about the house, the children, the commitments? Stop. Set in motion today to change your circumstances tomorrow. It will take planning. It will take work. Moreover, it will take discipline, guts and faith.
I just realized something. I am a little over ten years older than Jon Talbott. If Jon is Andy Griffith, that means I must be Ward Cleaver or the dad on Father Knows Best. Sighs.
I don’t know best; but I read a lot about the One who does.
I don’t know best; but I read a lot about the One who does.
Christians – the world desperately needs our example on this marriage thing. Let’s talk about things that are a little uncomfortable. We need to make sure that we are picking a person of faith to fall in love with. We must stop living like the world. Let’s stop living together before marriage. Let’s stop having sex before marriage. Most of all, let’s stop divorcing at the drop of a hat. If marriage is supposed to give the world a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church, let’s start doing a better job of putting paint on the canvas.